I don't know what to write about. People are mean. It's getting kind of old.
I had a bad day.
I'm tired of people asking me how my mom is and not asking how I'm doing. I tell the same synopsis of my mother's health nearly everyday to nearly all the same people. That's really getting old.
I love my mom and it does stress me out that she's in pain and sick. But asking me how she's doing isn't helping it at all.
My least favorite part of telling people how she is, is the silence that comes after I finish my semi-memorized synopsis. The "oh-this-girls-life-is-so-hard-right-now-and-mine-isn't-quick-say-something-nice-sympathy pause". It's where they just kind of stare at me and stay silent for a minute. They think I'm going to for some reason start crying right there. I know that's what most of them think is going to happen in that period of silence after the story. But it's not. I don't cry in front of people. It's really irritating to me that others try to get me to open up to them.
Another irritating thing is when people at school somehow think it's my fault my sister did her hair differently. She saw it on project runway, liked it and therefore decided to style it that way. How is it in any way my business? Was I supposed to act like I cared how she did her hair? Am I supposed to tell her "no that's wrong?" Well, news flash high school peers:
I'm not her mother. And my mother allows her to do with her hair what she pleases. It's hair. It doesn't matter, it will grow back. Stop concerning yourself in affairs as unimportant as the state of a 15 year old girl's hair.
I'm so frustrated and angry today. I don't mean to be, but I am. It's mostly my fault because I do bottle up thoughts and the only person I really talk to is my best friend who lives in Utah. Because he doesn't do the whole stop and stare and sympathize thing. He tells me like it is, comforts me when needed and changes the subject to get my mind off it. I can vent to him and I don't have to feel awkward.
Everytime someone asks how my mom is doing, it's always 100% awkward. Because I know I don't want to do the same song and dance once again. I've posted my moms caringbridge site so many times on my facebook that if I did the "common words appearing in your status" thing, it would be mainly composed of that link.
Yet there are at least 5 people a day who ask. On sundays it's everyone (literally everyone) I come into contact with.
I almost dread human interaction now because it gets so old saying the word "tumor" or "cancer".
I miss my mom. I think that's the main part of my anger and venting on this blog tonight. I'm glad I got to see her today in the hospital.
I'm sorry I am so negative in this post, but seriously those are my feelings. It makes me really sad when I can't just go about my day and have people ask me how I'm doing. I wish they would just read her caringbridge, or even her facebook statuses and let that be enough to satisfy their meager thirst for real life drama.
That's mostly what it is you know. When women ask, they ask so they have something to talk about with someone else. That's the reason most women talk to other women.
Anyway. I'm ranting again.
In June, everything will be a little less hectic... yes??? Let's hope so.
Here's to the weekend.
Cheers.
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