sigh.

I miss my family. Even though we had a huge blowout and I don't get along with one of them at all, I really miss them. It's weird to go home to visit. It's weird to go home to visit and see that my dad can't walk around and my mom hurts and aches and I am not there to help. I wish I was. I wish we hadn't fought. I really do. If I could go back in time, that would be the only thing I would change. The one night things got bad. I have been praying every night about what to do but I don't feel like I know what to do. The Holy Ghost has helped me when I asked for help about whether or not I should actually go to a therapist, about joining the ward choir, helping out my friends in young womens, showing everyone that I love them no matter what. I think my biggest mistake was not throwing out my pride. I wish I had swallowed my pride long ago. It's been over 9 years since I've hugged a certain one of my sisters. Literally. I haven't hugged her since she was in first grade. No. Actually, I haven't hugged her since kindergarten. Do you know how much I regret that right now? No, you probably don't. Considering you're just reading my words. If you were sitting next to me, you would see a girl crying on the couch on a laptop wrapped up in a blanket.
People ask me all the time "Why do you pray?" or "Why doesn't God answer prayers?" I have to be completely honest with you. We pray to Heavenly Father because we believe that He knows what is best for us. We don't just believe. We know. I know. Praying has helped me in the past. It has helped me out of my trials and my sad times. It has brought good times and happy days. Prayers aren't always answered right away. Sometimes this is a test of our faith. I know right now I have been praying for about a month every morning and every night about reconciliation with my entire family and I still don't know what I can do to fulfill that. I want to be home with my family because I love them so much and I miss them. But you know what? I'm not going to give up. This IS a test of my faith and I am going to show everyone how faithful I am. I am not going to give up. Heavenly Father does answer prayers. He will help us. He will help me because I will keep praying with a broken heart and contrite spirit and He will help you.
I don't necessarily know who you are, but I know one thing for sure. Heavenly Father loves you and has set up a plan for you. He wants you to come back to Him in heaven. He will answer your prayers brothers and sisters, he is always listening for you. I just know and I can truly testify that He loves you so much. You know how I know? He sacrificed His son Jesus Christ for us. His only begotten son. Now, I know my parents love me. I know without the shadow of a doubt that they do. Even though I have made so many mistakes they love me. And I love them dearly. Think of that bond. A parent and a son or daughter. Now imagine, if that parent sacrificed their only child for the good of all mankind. That is a huge sacrifice. And it was all for you. To me, that is just the coolest thing in the world. I know my parents would do anything for me. It's been shown these last couple months and I see it. You weren't on Earth, and neither was I for that matter, when Jesus Christ was crucified. We didn't see with our eyes, that true atoning sacrifice. How do we know it's true? How do we know some random person didn't just make it all up? Faith. Oftentimes seeing helps us believe; but more often than not seeing with your eyes is believing which is seeing.
He wants us to come back to Him. All we need to do when we go through trials is ask for His help.
I'm not telling you or asking you to believe this. I'm only showing you what I believe. I hope with all my heart you'll have faith in my testimony and investigate. Any questions or comments please email me. A.robyn.1@gmail.com.
I love you mom.
I love you dad.
Yes, I do love you sister (I won't put your name on here, for safety reasons)
I love you other sister (safety reasons)
I love you brother.
I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow's a new day and I am currently emotionally drained.
-ashleigh

correction

I'm learning all of them, but the one I am working the most on is Renaissance Hymn. An arrangement also done by Jon Schmidt. There are two hymns mixed together in this piece. Let Zion in Her Beauty Rise and Saints Behold How Great Jehovah. I think it's funny because in the book which I bought at deseret book, there is a typo in the title of the song. When it says Let Zion in Her Beauty Rise, "beauty" is spelled "beuaty".
Anyway enjoy Renaissance Hymn. One of my favorites to play.

For the beauty of the earth

I have the sheet music for the song "For the beauty of the Earth". The sheet music is a piano instrumental arrangement done by Jon Schmidt. My 2nd favorite pianist in the world. First being my best friend :)
Anyway I've been practicing quite a bit today and now I'm listening to it on youtube to make sure I'm getting it right. I really love this song. It's beautiful and it just makes me smile when I play it.
I've also been learning the piano instrumental version he arranged of "A poor wayfaring man of grief" which is my favorite hymn.
Check out Jon Schmidt. He is really amazing. I love the music and love his story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKqm9qrDcMs

last day in utah

Today is my last full day in utah. Tomorrow we head home. I really loved this vacation. So many firsts and new places. Last night i went on a date with a wonderful gentleman named Ryan. I had a great time. I really like him, he's funny and we like a lot of the same music. I think he and i got along really well. Today the family and i are going to lagoon. I heard it's a fun place. I'll be sad to leave utah, but i had fun. :) definitely one of the best vacations i've ever been on.

utah trip day 4

I'm almost done with the 4th fablehaven book! It's really good so far. A friend lent me the 4th and 5th books to read on the trip because it's a 13 hour drive. Anyway I woke up this morning and Brandi said "hey did you know you talk in your sleep?" -_- i'm embarassed. I'm a bad sleepwalker and talker.
I'm really excited for the rodeo tonight and our date tomorrow :) I really like Ryan so far. I hope the date goes well tomorrow, i have no idea what we're doing but i should probably ask so i know what to wear.
So far i've gotten some color from the sun. I have a little pink on my nose but the rest is pretty even. My goal is to not look like a vampire anymore.
It's really pretty today as usual :)

utah so far

Well the drive was long. But so far it has been totally worth 13 hours in a car. Tuesday we went to the copper mine and that was totally awesome. I loved it! Yesterday we also went to the great salt lake. It smelled disgusting but it was so beautiful. We also went to deseret book, which i really thought was awesome. Today we went into salt lake city and went to temple square. I absolutely loved it! Then we went to a wedding for holden and his new wife. When the bride tossed the bouquet, i caught it!!! It was a beautiful wedding and i had so much fun today. The whole time i've been here its been sunny and warm. I have a little pink on my nose but i am actually getting kind of a tan. I absolutely love it here in utah. I love it so much it's just so incredible here! It's beautiful. I'll post pics when i get home on monday.

utah so far

Well the drive was long. But so far it has been totally worth 13 hours in a car. Tuesday we went to the copper mine and that was totally awesome. I loved it! Yesterday we also went to the great salt lake. It smelled disgusting but it was so beautiful. We also went to deseret book, which i really thought was awesome. Today we went into salt lake city and went to temple square. I absolutely loved it! Then we went to a wedding for holden and his new wife. When the bride tossed the bouquet, i caught it!!! It was a beautiful wedding and i had so much fun today. The whole time i've been here its been sunny and warm. I have a little pink on my nose but i am actually getting kind of a tan. I absolutely love it here in utah. I love it so much it's just so incredible here! It's beautiful. I'll post pics when i get home on monday.

utah so far

Well the drive was long. But so far it has been totally worth 13 hours in a car. Tuesday we went to the copper mine and that was totally awesome. I loved it! Yesterday we also went to the great salt lake. It smelled disgusting but it was so beautiful. We also went to deseret book, which i really thought was awesome. Today we went into salt lake city and went to temple square. I absolutely loved it! Then we went to a wedding for holden and his new wife. When the bride tossed the bouquet, i caught it!!! It was a beautiful wedding and i had so much fun today. The whole time i've been here its been sunny and warm. I have a little pink on my nose but i am actually getting kind of a tan. I absolutely love it here in utah. I love it so much it's just so incredible here! It's beautiful. I'll post pics when i get home on monday.

Gardening

I just got inside from my first official legitamate gardening experience. I've got to say it was a lot of fun. Sure, I have done yard work before. I've pulled up plants and taken bulbs out of the ground. But I've never really actually planted something before. I planted peas in a red plastic cup once after eighth grade but I don't know what happened to them. Anyway gardening was a lot of fun. I planted peas today in the backyard and I really liked it. I want to see what happens to my peas :) I hope I have more of a green thumb than my mom or dad. My dad was given a mini bonsai tree once and didn't water it for a really really long time. My mom just doesn't really do well with plants either.
Today was a pretty great day :) It will be cool to see how the peas grow!
Wow, just rereading this post makes me really look like a simpleton... oh well. At least I'm now an OPTIMISTIC simpleton :D

Patriarchal Blessing!

Coming soon! I got my reccomend! I am so excited. I prayed and know who I should bring and everything. I don't know what day it is exactly yet, but I am so excited. :D

Happily Ever After

I made this handout on Macromedia Fireworks 8. It comes from a talk given by Dieter F. Uchtdorf who is the second counselor in the first presidency. He gave this talk in the (I think) April 2010 YW General Broadcast.
Here's the talk online: http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/your-happily-ever-after?lang=eng&query=Happily+ever+after

Enjoy the talk and the handout :) This talk is one of my favorites!

expanding views!

I just checked my stats on my blog again to see which countries are seeing my blog. So far the United States (353), Malaysia (13), Germany (2), United Kingdom (2), Spain (1), Indonesia (1), and Sweden (1) are all the countries where my blog has been read! It feels so awesome to know that I have gotten readers from all over the world! This makes me want to share the Gospel in my life even more!
I feel like I'm really getting a lot of people interested because I check the pageviews each day and they are going up the same amount each day. So, either I have 6-8 readers who visit my blog daily or on a regular basis, or people just randomly read it. Either way I feel like I'm under some pressure here to show my brothers and sisters around the world what I know and believe.
So, if you read this blog there is a little button on here that says "Follow my blog". Click that little button to see when I update on your email. If you have a gmail account that makes it easier to access.
Here's my email if you don't understand how that works or you have ideas, thoughts, devotionals, pictures, etc.
A.robyn.1@gmail.com