sigh.

I miss my family. Even though we had a huge blowout and I don't get along with one of them at all, I really miss them. It's weird to go home to visit. It's weird to go home to visit and see that my dad can't walk around and my mom hurts and aches and I am not there to help. I wish I was. I wish we hadn't fought. I really do. If I could go back in time, that would be the only thing I would change. The one night things got bad. I have been praying every night about what to do but I don't feel like I know what to do. The Holy Ghost has helped me when I asked for help about whether or not I should actually go to a therapist, about joining the ward choir, helping out my friends in young womens, showing everyone that I love them no matter what. I think my biggest mistake was not throwing out my pride. I wish I had swallowed my pride long ago. It's been over 9 years since I've hugged a certain one of my sisters. Literally. I haven't hugged her since she was in first grade. No. Actually, I haven't hugged her since kindergarten. Do you know how much I regret that right now? No, you probably don't. Considering you're just reading my words. If you were sitting next to me, you would see a girl crying on the couch on a laptop wrapped up in a blanket.
People ask me all the time "Why do you pray?" or "Why doesn't God answer prayers?" I have to be completely honest with you. We pray to Heavenly Father because we believe that He knows what is best for us. We don't just believe. We know. I know. Praying has helped me in the past. It has helped me out of my trials and my sad times. It has brought good times and happy days. Prayers aren't always answered right away. Sometimes this is a test of our faith. I know right now I have been praying for about a month every morning and every night about reconciliation with my entire family and I still don't know what I can do to fulfill that. I want to be home with my family because I love them so much and I miss them. But you know what? I'm not going to give up. This IS a test of my faith and I am going to show everyone how faithful I am. I am not going to give up. Heavenly Father does answer prayers. He will help us. He will help me because I will keep praying with a broken heart and contrite spirit and He will help you.
I don't necessarily know who you are, but I know one thing for sure. Heavenly Father loves you and has set up a plan for you. He wants you to come back to Him in heaven. He will answer your prayers brothers and sisters, he is always listening for you. I just know and I can truly testify that He loves you so much. You know how I know? He sacrificed His son Jesus Christ for us. His only begotten son. Now, I know my parents love me. I know without the shadow of a doubt that they do. Even though I have made so many mistakes they love me. And I love them dearly. Think of that bond. A parent and a son or daughter. Now imagine, if that parent sacrificed their only child for the good of all mankind. That is a huge sacrifice. And it was all for you. To me, that is just the coolest thing in the world. I know my parents would do anything for me. It's been shown these last couple months and I see it. You weren't on Earth, and neither was I for that matter, when Jesus Christ was crucified. We didn't see with our eyes, that true atoning sacrifice. How do we know it's true? How do we know some random person didn't just make it all up? Faith. Oftentimes seeing helps us believe; but more often than not seeing with your eyes is believing which is seeing.
He wants us to come back to Him. All we need to do when we go through trials is ask for His help.
I'm not telling you or asking you to believe this. I'm only showing you what I believe. I hope with all my heart you'll have faith in my testimony and investigate. Any questions or comments please email me. A.robyn.1@gmail.com.
I love you mom.
I love you dad.
Yes, I do love you sister (I won't put your name on here, for safety reasons)
I love you other sister (safety reasons)
I love you brother.
I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow's a new day and I am currently emotionally drained.
-ashleigh