It's really quite a blessing to have seen this friend grow up. I've known him since eighth grade. Back then we were in web design together. He had braces and glasses, chunky cheeks and a sunny and somewhat awkward pubescent disposition. He was a great friend in eighth grade. Eighth grade was 6 years ago. I've known and been friends with him longer than any person on earth.
I've gotten to see him grow up and become an incredible young man. Even crushed on him in eighth grade pretty hard. But he doesn't know that. When High School rolled around, and I saw him again, his braces were gone and so were the glasses. His fat had turned to muscle and he was (i'm not gonna lie) really attractive. I crushed even harder. But then I saw that girls were so drawn to him because of the looks and I got disheartened. Then I started dating guys who were bad for my self esteem and who were really immature. I didn't really even like most of them. I've realized I've been trying to compensate for my thought that it would never work out between this friend and I.
Now that I've come to the realization that I really have liked him all these years, it really doesn't matter. He's leaving on his mission in a couple months for two years.
I wish life could be easier you know? I wish I could meet a guy who is good for me, good for my self esteem and who I am good for. I wish I could gain the courage to do something about it.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. Sometimes it just feels good to vent.
He's grown up so much, but I really feel like I haven't grown at all since eighth grade. Sometimes I think the only thing besides my height that has changed is my bra size and the length/color of my hair.
I'm tired and very nostalgic. I'm just going to go upstairs and sleep deeply and pray that life will get better. It hasn't been to kind to me lately.
I'm tired.
May 12, 2012
Adventures in becoming a Mormon Domestic, Part II
Tonight I'm going to a party at a really good friend's house. It's going to be lots of fun, it's like an open house for him I think but with hot tub, food, and probably lots of fun stuff.
So, I'm making some cupcakes for them. But not just any cupcakes. Of course the actual cake part is from a box, but the frosting is vanilla buttercream. Here's the awesome part:
It's completely home made.
That's right people. I made buttercream frosting from scratch and it turned out tasting how it's supposed to. Maybe even a little better because I added a few things here and there.
I'm going to wait a few minutes to make the actual cupcakes so that I can wash the kitchen aid and stuff.
I'm becoming a good little mormon domestic. I can cook without burning stuff and I'm slowly getting toward the point where I can bake and not totally fail. However, I am using a box mix for specifically that reason- I have not yet perfected the art of home made cake. My white cake always turns out really crumbly and odd tasting when I make it from scratch. :/ I don't want to take any risks with the lemon cake. Especially after all the work to make my frosting so fantastically incredible. :D
I think I'll take a break first though and go outside and lay in the sunshine. It is such a pretty day out!
So, I'm making some cupcakes for them. But not just any cupcakes. Of course the actual cake part is from a box, but the frosting is vanilla buttercream. Here's the awesome part:
It's completely home made.
That's right people. I made buttercream frosting from scratch and it turned out tasting how it's supposed to. Maybe even a little better because I added a few things here and there.
I'm going to wait a few minutes to make the actual cupcakes so that I can wash the kitchen aid and stuff.
I'm becoming a good little mormon domestic. I can cook without burning stuff and I'm slowly getting toward the point where I can bake and not totally fail. However, I am using a box mix for specifically that reason- I have not yet perfected the art of home made cake. My white cake always turns out really crumbly and odd tasting when I make it from scratch. :/ I don't want to take any risks with the lemon cake. Especially after all the work to make my frosting so fantastically incredible. :D
I think I'll take a break first though and go outside and lay in the sunshine. It is such a pretty day out!
May 9, 2012
Music.
Music.
Sigh. Need I say more?
Well, I will anyway.
Music is always there when I need it to be. I can be crying and saying how much I hate music and how bad I am at it. How I should never do it again in my life. I should never touch another instrument.
But then once I say it out loud, all I want to do is play Homeward Bound or some really pretty Jon Schmidt song to make myself feel better.
Music has loved me always in an unrequited way. Every breakup or heartbreak has been soothed with music. Either by listening to it or playing it.
Truly, I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Everything musical and having to do with language. Music is a part of being able to communicate with everyone. I think that is what makes it so soothing to me, you know? I am bad with communication in real life. Verbal communication isn't my strong suit. I can be extremely awkward and sometimes immature. I have gossipped before. I've said bad words. I've said things to hurt others.
But none of the music I've ever played or sang has ever done any of that. I've never communicated badly or negatively with music.
When I'm having a bad day or feeling like a bad person, I can re-evaluate my approach to communication by playing something on piano or singing in the shower. Really, truly, I believe singing in the shower is probably one of the best forms of therapy I've ever known. I've been to therapists, been in a group for depression, I've also done art therapy by trying to draw something. None of it did much for me. In fact, I think it made me angrier even. Like those therapists were trying too hard. Like the drawings and paintings were forced. You know?
Music is rad.
Sometimes I just need to post fluff like this. I am just so incredibly passionate (fluffy?) about music. That and speaking languages. I know some Japanese, lots of Spanish, and American Sign Language. Plus, I've always been an avid reader and writer.
I've been a college reading level since fifth grade. I love to read and speak languages and music.
Dang.
Music is just....
rad.
Sigh. Need I say more?
Well, I will anyway.
Music is always there when I need it to be. I can be crying and saying how much I hate music and how bad I am at it. How I should never do it again in my life. I should never touch another instrument.
But then once I say it out loud, all I want to do is play Homeward Bound or some really pretty Jon Schmidt song to make myself feel better.
Music has loved me always in an unrequited way. Every breakup or heartbreak has been soothed with music. Either by listening to it or playing it.
Truly, I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Everything musical and having to do with language. Music is a part of being able to communicate with everyone. I think that is what makes it so soothing to me, you know? I am bad with communication in real life. Verbal communication isn't my strong suit. I can be extremely awkward and sometimes immature. I have gossipped before. I've said bad words. I've said things to hurt others.
But none of the music I've ever played or sang has ever done any of that. I've never communicated badly or negatively with music.
When I'm having a bad day or feeling like a bad person, I can re-evaluate my approach to communication by playing something on piano or singing in the shower. Really, truly, I believe singing in the shower is probably one of the best forms of therapy I've ever known. I've been to therapists, been in a group for depression, I've also done art therapy by trying to draw something. None of it did much for me. In fact, I think it made me angrier even. Like those therapists were trying too hard. Like the drawings and paintings were forced. You know?
Music is rad.
Sometimes I just need to post fluff like this. I am just so incredibly passionate (fluffy?) about music. That and speaking languages. I know some Japanese, lots of Spanish, and American Sign Language. Plus, I've always been an avid reader and writer.
I've been a college reading level since fifth grade. I love to read and speak languages and music.
Dang.
Music is just....
rad.
May 2, 2012
Uke-can do this! :D
Ha. Puns.
Hello there.
It's been a while since I entered something on my blog. Oops.
I should tell you that I have plenty of time to do so now that I have passed my senior board project. I have quite literally nothing else to do for the rest of the school year except laze about as a sophomore english TA and sing in choir in the morning. All that's left for me to pass is a CWI class, and I'm already ahead of the entire class so I really don't have to do much :D
However, there is this piano song I'm learning so that I have the opportunity to accompany it in choir.
And it's kicking my butt.
Bigtime.
Seriously. I had to stop and google how to play a C flat on the piano (FYI: flats are usually played on the black keys, but a C flat, is in fact just another name for B natural.)
I'm having so much trouble.
So I'm going to go practice my tush off because I'm really behind and struggling with that.
D:
Plus I have a huge bump on my head. Last night, I hit my head really hard when I was picking up a prop or something for this little play my church is doing. Anyway, I was picking it up and as I was rising, I hit my head on this little wood paneling type thing that kind of juts out of the wall.
It didn't start really hurting until today this afternoon.
Anyway, I shall see thee again someday.
Till then, I'm going to go explode in a fiery inferno and probably sleep instead of actually practicing piano.
Hey. All good musicians need naps, right?
PS: I met this awesome hip hop ukelele player and he was totally awesome. I exploded from the sheer ingenious of his voice and his uke.
PPS: I want to learn ukelele :3
Peace out.
Hello there.
It's been a while since I entered something on my blog. Oops.
I should tell you that I have plenty of time to do so now that I have passed my senior board project. I have quite literally nothing else to do for the rest of the school year except laze about as a sophomore english TA and sing in choir in the morning. All that's left for me to pass is a CWI class, and I'm already ahead of the entire class so I really don't have to do much :D
However, there is this piano song I'm learning so that I have the opportunity to accompany it in choir.
And it's kicking my butt.
Bigtime.
Seriously. I had to stop and google how to play a C flat on the piano (FYI: flats are usually played on the black keys, but a C flat, is in fact just another name for B natural.)
I'm having so much trouble.
So I'm going to go practice my tush off because I'm really behind and struggling with that.
D:
Plus I have a huge bump on my head. Last night, I hit my head really hard when I was picking up a prop or something for this little play my church is doing. Anyway, I was picking it up and as I was rising, I hit my head on this little wood paneling type thing that kind of juts out of the wall.
It didn't start really hurting until today this afternoon.
Anyway, I shall see thee again someday.
Till then, I'm going to go explode in a fiery inferno and probably sleep instead of actually practicing piano.
Hey. All good musicians need naps, right?
PS: I met this awesome hip hop ukelele player and he was totally awesome. I exploded from the sheer ingenious of his voice and his uke.
PPS: I want to learn ukelele :3
Peace out.
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