It's really quite a blessing to have seen this friend grow up. I've known him since eighth grade. Back then we were in web design together. He had braces and glasses, chunky cheeks and a sunny and somewhat awkward pubescent disposition. He was a great friend in eighth grade. Eighth grade was 6 years ago. I've known and been friends with him longer than any person on earth.
I've gotten to see him grow up and become an incredible young man. Even crushed on him in eighth grade pretty hard. But he doesn't know that. When High School rolled around, and I saw him again, his braces were gone and so were the glasses. His fat had turned to muscle and he was (i'm not gonna lie) really attractive. I crushed even harder. But then I saw that girls were so drawn to him because of the looks and I got disheartened. Then I started dating guys who were bad for my self esteem and who were really immature. I didn't really even like most of them. I've realized I've been trying to compensate for my thought that it would never work out between this friend and I.
Now that I've come to the realization that I really have liked him all these years, it really doesn't matter. He's leaving on his mission in a couple months for two years.
I wish life could be easier you know? I wish I could meet a guy who is good for me, good for my self esteem and who I am good for. I wish I could gain the courage to do something about it.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. Sometimes it just feels good to vent.
He's grown up so much, but I really feel like I haven't grown at all since eighth grade. Sometimes I think the only thing besides my height that has changed is my bra size and the length/color of my hair.
I'm tired and very nostalgic. I'm just going to go upstairs and sleep deeply and pray that life will get better. It hasn't been to kind to me lately.
I'm tired.
