There's this really cool application on blogger that shows you where your readers live. It doesn't tell you who reads it and who they are but it shows the different places your readers are. My readers come from The United States, United Kingdom, and Malaysia. When I saw the Malaysia one had 3 different people, I was a little surprised. That's pretty cool. I'll start posting messages on here now again and hopefully you are uplifted :)
love,
Ash
May 31, 2011
May 26, 2011
Busy busy busy
I am so busy right now, it's been a while since I last posted.
Right now I am finishing my Senior Project. I am putting the final touches on my actual project. I have literally one more thing to do. Then I have to finish proofreading my paper and make a final copy. Then I need to finish my slideshow for my speech. That's all.
Well, I'm not graduating with my class in June. I won't be able to walk in two weeks with my class. But I'm not going to let that get me down. I'm playing and singing at the Senior Baccalaureate... I know I spelled that wrong... I'm going to summer school at a different High School to get the credits I need to get a diploma. I only have 2 credits max.
I'm going to continue with school and get my diploma. Definitely not going to drop out or get my GED.
So yeah, that's mostly what's been happening in school lately.
Just a small update. I'll update again soon.
-Ash
Right now I am finishing my Senior Project. I am putting the final touches on my actual project. I have literally one more thing to do. Then I have to finish proofreading my paper and make a final copy. Then I need to finish my slideshow for my speech. That's all.
Well, I'm not graduating with my class in June. I won't be able to walk in two weeks with my class. But I'm not going to let that get me down. I'm playing and singing at the Senior Baccalaureate... I know I spelled that wrong... I'm going to summer school at a different High School to get the credits I need to get a diploma. I only have 2 credits max.
I'm going to continue with school and get my diploma. Definitely not going to drop out or get my GED.
So yeah, that's mostly what's been happening in school lately.
Just a small update. I'll update again soon.
-Ash
May 8, 2011
Do you ever feel incredibly lonely?
I know I do. I have been all week. I wish everything could be okay soon. Today I wrote some facebook statuses about how I've felt and deleted each one because I know I am being too negative...
I wrote something along the lines of "ouch. my throat hurts." "Only made it to sacrament meeting at a different church before I went home because I felt so horrible." "I wish I didn't feel so lonely"
I deleted every single one of those because I realized I am being way too negative. I'm letting Satan get a hold of me and that's not going to happen anymore. I realize I've been letting that happen a lot lately and that's probably why I feel I've been so horribly upset. I haven't taken the time to count my blessings and see all the good things going on in my life. I've only been looking on the bad. My friend tells me all the time that I'm beautiful. Yet I put myself down on a constant basis simply because two people outside of school say I'm not. My friend is someone whose opinion I should look to the most because he's a much better example than the two people.
I put myself down a lot and I did a lot today. I felt sick and lonely and I didn't even pray to Heavenly Father. That's where I made my mistake today. I woke up and didn't pray because I thought it's just one time. I'll pray later. Then my throat hurt and I began to feel sick and I was upset because it was another thing on top of all thats been going on lately. I didn't pray then either. There was mistake two. Then after sacrament, I came home and laid in my bed thinking about how lonely I felt. Something should have clicked there. I have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost! How ungrateful of me to not call upon that gift!
I know the Holy Ghost will bring me comfort when I go upstairs in a few minutes and kneel by my bed and pray. The Holy Ghost has brought me that comfort before and I know that I will not feel lonely when I pray.
Don't pass up the opportunity to pray. Ever. Even when you think "oh, I can do that later."
I'm passing off this scripture mastery tomorrow because of what I remembered and learned today:
"Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work."
Doctrine and Covenants 10:5
In the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.
I wrote something along the lines of "ouch. my throat hurts." "Only made it to sacrament meeting at a different church before I went home because I felt so horrible." "I wish I didn't feel so lonely"
I deleted every single one of those because I realized I am being way too negative. I'm letting Satan get a hold of me and that's not going to happen anymore. I realize I've been letting that happen a lot lately and that's probably why I feel I've been so horribly upset. I haven't taken the time to count my blessings and see all the good things going on in my life. I've only been looking on the bad. My friend tells me all the time that I'm beautiful. Yet I put myself down on a constant basis simply because two people outside of school say I'm not. My friend is someone whose opinion I should look to the most because he's a much better example than the two people.
I put myself down a lot and I did a lot today. I felt sick and lonely and I didn't even pray to Heavenly Father. That's where I made my mistake today. I woke up and didn't pray because I thought it's just one time. I'll pray later. Then my throat hurt and I began to feel sick and I was upset because it was another thing on top of all thats been going on lately. I didn't pray then either. There was mistake two. Then after sacrament, I came home and laid in my bed thinking about how lonely I felt. Something should have clicked there. I have been given the gift of the Holy Ghost! How ungrateful of me to not call upon that gift!
I know the Holy Ghost will bring me comfort when I go upstairs in a few minutes and kneel by my bed and pray. The Holy Ghost has brought me that comfort before and I know that I will not feel lonely when I pray.
Don't pass up the opportunity to pray. Ever. Even when you think "oh, I can do that later."
I'm passing off this scripture mastery tomorrow because of what I remembered and learned today:
"Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work."
Doctrine and Covenants 10:5
In the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.
May 6, 2011
I am a lighthouse
At our new beginnings, the theme was lighthouses. The stake YW President talked about this light house that had been built and fell apart and been rebuilt again. And now that it has a strong foundation, it is still there and strong.
I guess I feel like a lighthouse. Did you ever read that little children's book the little red lighthouse and the great grey bridge? I remember my mom reading it to me. It was about a little lighthouse who is a beacon of light to all the ships at sea. He is visited by an old man who turns on his light each evening for the boats. Soon the man stops coming and a huge, grey concrete bridge is built around him. Then there is a huge freight boat that can't see in the dark and in the really bad storm. Suddenly the old man shows up again and turns the little red light house's light on for the boat. The little red lighthouse is a hero and lives happily ever after.
I guess I hope I am a light house like one of those. In some ways I'm like the one our stake YW President talked about at new beginnings. I started out strong. A daughter of God sent here with a divine purpose. Then along the way I was broken down little by little and I needed repair. Probably emotionally and spiritually. In seventh grade I was helped a little and it was good help but it wasn't what I needed to be completely fixed all the way. It was only temporary and the damage started to show itself again once I reached high school. Sophomore year was the year it started to get bad for me. I was falling behind in school and my grandparents on my dad's side both passed away. Plus a friend of mine who I was close to. It hit hard. My (now) best friend who is a member of the church and was at the time, helped me very much and the repair that was done was better than the first time, but it still wasn't enough. Time led up to this year. Where I completely crumbled like that lighthouse she mentioned at new beginnings. I was shown the Gospel. There, my foundation was laid. It was strong and everyone knew it would endure all the wear and tear. It would keep the lighthouse (me?) strong and faithful. Up until now, only the foundation was there because I realized other people have helped me and built me up as much as they can by laying a firm foundation. Now I need to start building myself up on that firm foundation so that I can let my light shine.
I've been thinking a lot about light houses and light. I have also been thinking a lot about the verse in Matthew 5:16
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."
Is it a coincidence that I've always been afraid of the dark? It's true. Can't sleep well unless my light is on, or my door is open. I don't know why. If someone else, such as a child I babysit or one of my siblings when they were little asked me "will you come in until I can fall asleep? I'm scared of the dark." I would go in and face my fear for them. But when I am afraid, I stay afraid and don't ask for help or tell myself everything is ok. Like in the little red lighthouse and the great grey bridge, when it's dark the lighthouse shows the way for all the other boats but when he is left without his light or when he is alone in the dark, he is afraid and does not let himself know that everything is ok or that it will be ok.
I want to learn how to not be afraid of the dark anymore. I feel like that way I will be more prepared to let my light shine when others need it to show them the way.
That felt really good to get out of my system. I don't know if it made sense to you, but I just wrote everything in my mind. I feel better now. I still feel lonely but I know that will pass. I hope I can find the strength to build myself up instead of letting the evil vectors in my life tear or beat me down.
**update**
someone from church gave me a link on facebook... the bridge from the book is an ACTUAL bridge! I never knew that! Check it out! This is so cool!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Red_Lighthouse
May 3, 2011
ch-ch-ch-changes!
I'm trying to be positive about this whole situation lately.
Life's been changing a lot and its for the better. I can't help but think of that song by David Bowie.
Anyway here's a talk I really love by Second Counselor Deiter F. Uchtdorf...
http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/your-happily-ever-after?lang=eng&query=Happily+Ever+after
enjoy. It's one of my favorites.
Today I'm walking to the bank to do my banking after work. When I walk home I'll stop off at a park somewhere and eat my dinner and read some scriptures :)
Have a good day everyone.
-Ash
Life's been changing a lot and its for the better. I can't help but think of that song by David Bowie.
Anyway here's a talk I really love by Second Counselor Deiter F. Uchtdorf...
http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/your-happily-ever-after?lang=eng&query=Happily+Ever+after
enjoy. It's one of my favorites.
Today I'm walking to the bank to do my banking after work. When I walk home I'll stop off at a park somewhere and eat my dinner and read some scriptures :)
Have a good day everyone.
-Ash
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