At our new beginnings, the theme was lighthouses. The stake YW President talked about this light house that had been built and fell apart and been rebuilt again. And now that it has a strong foundation, it is still there and strong.
I guess I feel like a lighthouse. Did you ever read that little children's book the little red lighthouse and the great grey bridge? I remember my mom reading it to me. It was about a little lighthouse who is a beacon of light to all the ships at sea. He is visited by an old man who turns on his light each evening for the boats. Soon the man stops coming and a huge, grey concrete bridge is built around him. Then there is a huge freight boat that can't see in the dark and in the really bad storm. Suddenly the old man shows up again and turns the little red light house's light on for the boat. The little red lighthouse is a hero and lives happily ever after.
I guess I hope I am a light house like one of those. In some ways I'm like the one our stake YW President talked about at new beginnings. I started out strong. A daughter of God sent here with a divine purpose. Then along the way I was broken down little by little and I needed repair. Probably emotionally and spiritually. In seventh grade I was helped a little and it was good help but it wasn't what I needed to be completely fixed all the way. It was only temporary and the damage started to show itself again once I reached high school. Sophomore year was the year it started to get bad for me. I was falling behind in school and my grandparents on my dad's side both passed away. Plus a friend of mine who I was close to. It hit hard. My (now) best friend who is a member of the church and was at the time, helped me very much and the repair that was done was better than the first time, but it still wasn't enough. Time led up to this year. Where I completely crumbled like that lighthouse she mentioned at new beginnings. I was shown the Gospel. There, my foundation was laid. It was strong and everyone knew it would endure all the wear and tear. It would keep the lighthouse (me?) strong and faithful. Up until now, only the foundation was there because I realized other people have helped me and built me up as much as they can by laying a firm foundation. Now I need to start building myself up on that firm foundation so that I can let my light shine.
I've been thinking a lot about light houses and light. I have also been thinking a lot about the verse in Matthew 5:16
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."
Is it a coincidence that I've always been afraid of the dark? It's true. Can't sleep well unless my light is on, or my door is open. I don't know why. If someone else, such as a child I babysit or one of my siblings when they were little asked me "will you come in until I can fall asleep? I'm scared of the dark." I would go in and face my fear for them. But when I am afraid, I stay afraid and don't ask for help or tell myself everything is ok. Like in the little red lighthouse and the great grey bridge, when it's dark the lighthouse shows the way for all the other boats but when he is left without his light or when he is alone in the dark, he is afraid and does not let himself know that everything is ok or that it will be ok.
I want to learn how to not be afraid of the dark anymore. I feel like that way I will be more prepared to let my light shine when others need it to show them the way.
That felt really good to get out of my system. I don't know if it made sense to you, but I just wrote everything in my mind. I feel better now. I still feel lonely but I know that will pass. I hope I can find the strength to build myself up instead of letting the evil vectors in my life tear or beat me down.
**update**
someone from church gave me a link on facebook... the bridge from the book is an ACTUAL bridge! I never knew that! Check it out! This is so cool!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Red_Lighthouse
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