I was just thinking about investigators I've seen come and go in the church and in our ward. Then I started thinking about when I was an "investigator" and I thought about my poor poor friend. I asked so many questions and a lot of really difficult ones too. I feel like I was more an interrogator than an investigator. I asked so many questions. The last time I asked him a question I felt really bad because for some reason it didn't get to him until 11:30. I sent it at 10:00. I felt horrible and angry when he sent me a text at 11:30. I was like "WHO IS WAKING ME UP!!!" I had been asleep for an hour. My question was about whether or not we have a Heavenly Mother...
Anyway I feel really bad because I don't much like excessive texting. But, I have proven myself to be a hypocrite because I bugged him so much with my texting. I am so angry at myself because I constantly demanded attention from him and I think that's part of the reason we're not as close friends as we used to be. I feel really bad because I put him through so much crud and texted him mercilessly until he answered. I was impatient and stubborn and rude. I feel so bad. I told him I wouldn't text him anymore because he said he didn't like texting anymore. That was like a week ago I think. And I've had to stop myself several times because I need to grow up and restrain my childish ways. I need to be more patient and I've been doing that lately. I feel a lot more mature. But I still feel guilty that I irritated him and made him so mad. I know he's forgiving but I feel like I've taken advantage of that way too much and that was very childish of me.
I'm venting can you tell?
I'm getting my patriarchal blessing in two weeks. Since the night I scheduled it, I have been a lot better about being more mature. I've learned a lot and met a ton of people, including women from relief society whom I've befriended who are more than 30 years older than I. I still have problems. Everyone does, and I feel like the problems I still do possess will be cleared up in 2 weeks. Or maybe at least a resolution to my problems will show itself a little.
It's really hard not to text him. Considering I used to do it everyday, pretty much on an hourly basis and then I quit it all of a sudden. It's addicting and that kind of scares me. I got so involved in something that means so little. Texting is so impersonal and I don't really like it.
I told him I would stop and I have and will continue to not text him. But I asked him if he would just call once in a while and maybe even just say hi or something. I don't get to see him very often and he's a good friend of mine. Pretty much like a big brother.
Growing up is tough and I feel like it's not gonna get any easier. But lately it's been happening more and I feel like it is happening for a reason. I don't believe in coincidences.
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