Life isn't ALL bad, really...

Tomorrow's the big day. My first piano solo in front of a bunch of people (my entire ward... we're so big that they have to go back to the front and refill the sacrament trays). I have played only one other time in front of so many people. Well twice really. Once in ward choir in my other ward when the pianist was gone... I sightread the parts to come come ye saints. It wasn't pretty, but I helped. Then once when we had a seminary morning fireside, my friend Kyle (haha, puns) was the chorister and chose we thank thee o God for a prophet. I played the parts for it for the opening hymn. I messed up a little bit but not too bad, and it was a great experience.
I'm so scared to play in front of everyone tomorrow. I haven't not made a mistake while playing this song since two ish weeks ago. But theres no way I'm backing out now. I'm a little excited... more than anything I just want to provide a song that helps people feel the spirit while they are there.
But lately, I've been a perfectionist. I think that's my problem. I've been beating myself down every time I've made any sort of mistake in anything.
Algebra 2 grade is almost a D+... what's the matter with you?
Can't sing high notes because you have a cold and lost your voice... you should have taken better care of yourself.
Let an ignorant girl at lunch make fun of your religion and a person you know who is in your church who is having troubles and didn't stand up for yourself or Ty... go cry in the bathroom, why are you such a coward?
Ignored Robert (aka Raisin) when he saw you with your head down in third period and asked what was wrong... wow. You're a jerk.
Yadda yadda personal stuff... you should have known better since you were taught better.
Didn't practice piano for lessons last friday... stupid.
Your finger positioning on the keyboard is atrocious... stupid.
Stupid stupid stupid.

It actually kind of feels good to vent all that. I know I shouldn't be spending so much time worrying about everything. Flaws make me human, I suppose. It just stinks when you have such big dreams and they seem so far away. You know?
Life isn't all bad, really...
last week I...
won the poetry out loud in my class competition with a poem a friend did last year called "The Listeners" By Walter deLemare. I'm moving on to the schoolwide competition this coming tuesday.
I have the most beautiful blessing of teaching children to sing songs about being a child of God and clapping their hands and running in circles with moose ears (do as I'm doing) I think I'm going to start teaching them "Love one another" in sign language... it's going to be challenging, but fun and worth it.
The twins in my first class that I teach on sundays always come up to me and smother me in hugs and when I set the sponge container down, they grab two or three pink and yellow sponge cubes and press them to my face and squeal "Boop!" in high pitched voices and proceed to giggle uproariously in the most adorable little laughs.
A friend texted me back today. That was big.
My cold is almost gone.
My toe is healing. (If I could post pics from my cell phone, I would...) I battled my dresser and lost... casualties included 1.) my dignity 2.) a big chunk of skin from my littlest toe and half it's toenail and 3.) quite a bit of blood. I think I can wear heels to church tomorrow without squealing.
I have the best home teachers/visiting teachers and Bishop in the world.
I shook the hand of a member of the 70 last sunday. Huge moment for me.
My hair isn't brown anymore except it is still a little darker toward the tips.

The list goes on. I have a ton to be thankful for. Maybe I should start doing the calendar thing my advo teacher did in december. Everyday we listed one thing we gave and recieved for each day of the month. I'm going to start that again. Printing a couple blank calendars as I write.

Hrmph. Sometimes you just need to vent to solve problems I guess.
On the other hand, I'm going to go practice Homeward Bound another 58 times before bed.
Cheers to you brave souls who actually read my crazy teenage girl venting. I salute you.