I sit by this really cute guy in ASL now. Not gonna lie, I've been flirting.
But today... he flirted back.
So, I was in my own little smitten world right? Then 2nd period comes along and then another cute boy flirts with me. I was utterly confused. Do I flirt back? Do I ignore? No, be polite... I didn't know what to do. Naturally, my high school girlish instincts kicked in. I flirted.
Then in advo this younger guy (I don't go there, trust me) this Junior guy made me an origami butterfly and flirted like crazy.
Just when I decide I'm done with relationships, boys decide they're interested.
What's a girl to do?
Answer: eat doritoes and play world of warcraft.
Jan 31, 2012
Jan 28, 2012
I did it.
I passed a full year of Algebra 2 in half a school year.
I passed this math class without having to retake it.
I got a C on the final... but at least I passed it.
Oh my gosh.
Words cannot describe how incredibly elated I am at this very point in time.
On to 3rd quarter:
-American Sign Language 1
-Spanish 2
-Advocacy
-English 12
Easy quarter. I'm almost there. I can hear graduation. And, I can order a cap and gown and graduation announcements.
Guess what high school?
I WIN!
I passed this math class without having to retake it.
I got a C on the final... but at least I passed it.
Oh my gosh.
Words cannot describe how incredibly elated I am at this very point in time.
On to 3rd quarter:
-American Sign Language 1
-Spanish 2
-Advocacy
-English 12
Easy quarter. I'm almost there. I can hear graduation. And, I can order a cap and gown and graduation announcements.
Guess what high school?
I WIN!
Jan 24, 2012
My poem for poetry out loud is also a song
Listening to it on a loop on my kindle to make sure I memorize it for tonight!
Ya :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWdV3d014S8
Ya :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWdV3d014S8
Spencer Schmidt = gorgeous.
Too bad he's on his mission right now :( Sad ashleigh.He is Jon Schmidt's son. And this song he wrote and sang, is awesome.His sister is on harmony and violin and his dad is piano.Plus he's gorgeous.Simply gorgeous.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfBwCjDadaY&list=UUmKurapML4BF9Bjtj4RbvXw&index=22&feature=plpp_video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfBwCjDadaY&list=UUmKurapML4BF9Bjtj4RbvXw&index=22&feature=plpp_video
Out of body experiences
I've had a lot of those this week. It started on sunday with the whole piano playing thing. I have never had the courage to do something like that.
Then tonight's poetry out loud contest. I have NEVER had the courage to actually try to do my best in reciting poetry. I'm not nervous for tonight, but at the same time I feel a little stressed because I have to be there in about 3 hours and I have not yet memorized my poem much at all. I know, I know...
This is where you're thinking "ASHLEIGH! GET OFF THE COMPUTER IF YOU'RE STRESSED BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T MEMORIZED YOUR POEM!"
I'm listening to some music I've been craving all day.
Yes, people. I crave music. Today I've been craving Jon Schmidt (Without you cover, peponi cover, all of me, waterfall) and a few other good ones. (Like from my collection of covers of Someone like you by Adele) I can't help it.
Music. It's even a brilliant word. I love it. I love it so much :)
I get to go to the temple this friday!
random thought. But I'm incredibly excited. You have no idea.
Hm... what am I going to wear tonight?
Maybe I should do my hair too haha. I went to school with my hair in a bun and with stray flyaways pinned back with my bangs partially straightened. There's now little curls rebelling and bouncing from their respective pins or from the hairtie itself.
My hair has a mind of its own.
Hm... wonder what's in the fridge?
Then tonight's poetry out loud contest. I have NEVER had the courage to actually try to do my best in reciting poetry. I'm not nervous for tonight, but at the same time I feel a little stressed because I have to be there in about 3 hours and I have not yet memorized my poem much at all. I know, I know...
This is where you're thinking "ASHLEIGH! GET OFF THE COMPUTER IF YOU'RE STRESSED BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T MEMORIZED YOUR POEM!"
I'm listening to some music I've been craving all day.
Yes, people. I crave music. Today I've been craving Jon Schmidt (Without you cover, peponi cover, all of me, waterfall) and a few other good ones. (Like from my collection of covers of Someone like you by Adele) I can't help it.
Music. It's even a brilliant word. I love it. I love it so much :)
I get to go to the temple this friday!
random thought. But I'm incredibly excited. You have no idea.
Hm... what am I going to wear tonight?
Maybe I should do my hair too haha. I went to school with my hair in a bun and with stray flyaways pinned back with my bangs partially straightened. There's now little curls rebelling and bouncing from their respective pins or from the hairtie itself.
My hair has a mind of its own.
Hm... wonder what's in the fridge?
Jan 22, 2012
disappointed.
Today in sacrament meeting I played Homeward Bound. It's my favorite song, really and I was so nervous to play it because I wanted to get it exactly perfect so that the congregation would feel the same spirit I always feel when I hear it.
I got up to play and I was so scared I was trembling so incredibly hard, I barely found the sustain pedal. For the first 3 or four measures I used the middle pedal on accident. I made mistakes and then forced myself to go on and find some random place to pick up where I made the mistake. I did so incredibly badly. After the third mistake, I shook my head while playing and silently beat myself up inside. I was so glad when I played those last three notes. I even got those wrong though, too.
I didn't look up at the congregation. I was ashamed. I felt like I ruined their chance to feel the spirit with that song. I silently and morosely put my sheet music back in my little black folder, gathered up my heels (I didn't bother putting them back on knowing what was coming next.) I kept my head down the entire time I walked from the piano in front to my seat near the middle where I sit with my home/visiting teachers and their daughter.
I couldn't even look the sister in the eye, I was so ashamed of myself. I just quietly said "I did so bad" and sat down after putting the folder on the ground and dropping my shoes. I held my face in my hands and started to cry. I shook my head and thought "I can't believe I just did that" In a sort of tone (in my head) that implied I had done something utterly stupid.
My visiting teacher (the same sister) just comforted me so much. I eventually stopped being a baby and managed to look up a little bit to hear the talk.
Then came the hardest part, the confrontations. Accepting what had happened in sacrament meeting.
I knew everyone would come up to me and say "Oh! Well done, Sister Bonazelli!" or "That was beautiful!"
It most certainly was not beautiful, and I was not wanting to hear the compliments. Then, there was a woman on the way out of the chapel who stopped me and held my hand and shoved lifesavers in my hand and said "I know you are disappointed, but next time will be better. Start preparing so we can hear your beautiful music again". The whole time I was in that building, that was the most true and honest out of all the comments I recieved, in my eyes.
Then after church when my home teacher (the husband of above mentioned visiting teacher) and his daughter were driving me home, I was looking out the window in a morose way and he said "You did good." I said I did bad. He said "No, you did good. Not perfect, but good." I just asked why do you think I did good? He said that If someone who was incredibly talented went up and id that song, it would have been no problem for them. It wouldn't have meant so much to the people who know them or the other people. Because, they are already so good that they don't need to put any effort in. But because I had the courage to go up and play after working for months to learn this piece (I did, really. I worked so hard. I think that's part of why it was so heartbreaking when I failed.) I did more. I gave all I had. He compared it to the parable (story?) of the widow when she went into the temple and paid all she had to the church, which was an incredibly small amount. The other people there paid a lot of money to the church and it was nothing to them, it seemed like they didn't even sacrifice anything. Her payment or donation (I don't know the story, I'm going off of memory of what he said) her donation meant more because she gave all she had and sacrificed with faith.
That was a huge deal for me today. I didn't react too much on the outside, but inside, it really made me think.
I came home and lds.org searched the widow and the word used to describe her donation (I've already forgotten it) and I read it... it was only 3 verses. That kind of shocked me how little it was. Now that I'm writing this it kind of makes me think of my favorite verse in Alma in the Book of Mormon (which I quote all the time) Alma 37:6. About the little things that can be a bold impact on our lives.
I wasn't going to go to the temple trip on friday. I didn't want to go, but after today... it's all I desire right now. That and a hug from a certain specific friend, but that won't happen. Tomorrow when I go to my visiting/home teachers house for FHE, I'm going to tell them I would actually like to go. Something is telling me to go. I really want to also. I need some peace after this week. Oh, and tuesday I have poetry out loud schoolwide competition. I'm going to practice with all my might so there's not a big repeat of today.
I appreciate my visiting teachers. I really do. I love them, they help me so much when I need it and even when I don't ask for it. The Sister really comforted me when I was crying after the performance. They have me over for FHE once in a while. They give me rides to and from church. I really appreciate and am incredibly grateful for all three of them. They are really, truly amazing.
I'm not giving up piano. I know that there will be a few, if not, several more times I perform terrified and making mistakes until I get better and better at it. But I'm not going to give it up. I love it too much.
Success is the courage to try, right?
I got up to play and I was so scared I was trembling so incredibly hard, I barely found the sustain pedal. For the first 3 or four measures I used the middle pedal on accident. I made mistakes and then forced myself to go on and find some random place to pick up where I made the mistake. I did so incredibly badly. After the third mistake, I shook my head while playing and silently beat myself up inside. I was so glad when I played those last three notes. I even got those wrong though, too.
I didn't look up at the congregation. I was ashamed. I felt like I ruined their chance to feel the spirit with that song. I silently and morosely put my sheet music back in my little black folder, gathered up my heels (I didn't bother putting them back on knowing what was coming next.) I kept my head down the entire time I walked from the piano in front to my seat near the middle where I sit with my home/visiting teachers and their daughter.
I couldn't even look the sister in the eye, I was so ashamed of myself. I just quietly said "I did so bad" and sat down after putting the folder on the ground and dropping my shoes. I held my face in my hands and started to cry. I shook my head and thought "I can't believe I just did that" In a sort of tone (in my head) that implied I had done something utterly stupid.
My visiting teacher (the same sister) just comforted me so much. I eventually stopped being a baby and managed to look up a little bit to hear the talk.
Then came the hardest part, the confrontations. Accepting what had happened in sacrament meeting.
I knew everyone would come up to me and say "Oh! Well done, Sister Bonazelli!" or "That was beautiful!"
It most certainly was not beautiful, and I was not wanting to hear the compliments. Then, there was a woman on the way out of the chapel who stopped me and held my hand and shoved lifesavers in my hand and said "I know you are disappointed, but next time will be better. Start preparing so we can hear your beautiful music again". The whole time I was in that building, that was the most true and honest out of all the comments I recieved, in my eyes.
Then after church when my home teacher (the husband of above mentioned visiting teacher) and his daughter were driving me home, I was looking out the window in a morose way and he said "You did good." I said I did bad. He said "No, you did good. Not perfect, but good." I just asked why do you think I did good? He said that If someone who was incredibly talented went up and id that song, it would have been no problem for them. It wouldn't have meant so much to the people who know them or the other people. Because, they are already so good that they don't need to put any effort in. But because I had the courage to go up and play after working for months to learn this piece (I did, really. I worked so hard. I think that's part of why it was so heartbreaking when I failed.) I did more. I gave all I had. He compared it to the parable (story?) of the widow when she went into the temple and paid all she had to the church, which was an incredibly small amount. The other people there paid a lot of money to the church and it was nothing to them, it seemed like they didn't even sacrifice anything. Her payment or donation (I don't know the story, I'm going off of memory of what he said) her donation meant more because she gave all she had and sacrificed with faith.
That was a huge deal for me today. I didn't react too much on the outside, but inside, it really made me think.
I came home and lds.org searched the widow and the word used to describe her donation (I've already forgotten it) and I read it... it was only 3 verses. That kind of shocked me how little it was. Now that I'm writing this it kind of makes me think of my favorite verse in Alma in the Book of Mormon (which I quote all the time) Alma 37:6. About the little things that can be a bold impact on our lives.
I wasn't going to go to the temple trip on friday. I didn't want to go, but after today... it's all I desire right now. That and a hug from a certain specific friend, but that won't happen. Tomorrow when I go to my visiting/home teachers house for FHE, I'm going to tell them I would actually like to go. Something is telling me to go. I really want to also. I need some peace after this week. Oh, and tuesday I have poetry out loud schoolwide competition. I'm going to practice with all my might so there's not a big repeat of today.
I appreciate my visiting teachers. I really do. I love them, they help me so much when I need it and even when I don't ask for it. The Sister really comforted me when I was crying after the performance. They have me over for FHE once in a while. They give me rides to and from church. I really appreciate and am incredibly grateful for all three of them. They are really, truly amazing.
I'm not giving up piano. I know that there will be a few, if not, several more times I perform terrified and making mistakes until I get better and better at it. But I'm not going to give it up. I love it too much.
Success is the courage to try, right?
Jan 21, 2012
Life isn't ALL bad, really...
Tomorrow's the big day. My first piano solo in front of a bunch of people (my entire ward... we're so big that they have to go back to the front and refill the sacrament trays). I have played only one other time in front of so many people. Well twice really. Once in ward choir in my other ward when the pianist was gone... I sightread the parts to come come ye saints. It wasn't pretty, but I helped. Then once when we had a seminary morning fireside, my friend Kyle (haha, puns) was the chorister and chose we thank thee o God for a prophet. I played the parts for it for the opening hymn. I messed up a little bit but not too bad, and it was a great experience.
I'm so scared to play in front of everyone tomorrow. I haven't not made a mistake while playing this song since two ish weeks ago. But theres no way I'm backing out now. I'm a little excited... more than anything I just want to provide a song that helps people feel the spirit while they are there.
But lately, I've been a perfectionist. I think that's my problem. I've been beating myself down every time I've made any sort of mistake in anything.
Algebra 2 grade is almost a D+... what's the matter with you?
Can't sing high notes because you have a cold and lost your voice... you should have taken better care of yourself.
Let an ignorant girl at lunch make fun of your religion and a person you know who is in your church who is having troubles and didn't stand up for yourself or Ty... go cry in the bathroom, why are you such a coward?
Ignored Robert (aka Raisin) when he saw you with your head down in third period and asked what was wrong... wow. You're a jerk.
Yadda yadda personal stuff... you should have known better since you were taught better.
Didn't practice piano for lessons last friday... stupid.
Your finger positioning on the keyboard is atrocious... stupid.
Stupid stupid stupid.
It actually kind of feels good to vent all that. I know I shouldn't be spending so much time worrying about everything. Flaws make me human, I suppose. It just stinks when you have such big dreams and they seem so far away. You know?
Life isn't all bad, really...
last week I...
won the poetry out loud in my class competition with a poem a friend did last year called "The Listeners" By Walter deLemare. I'm moving on to the schoolwide competition this coming tuesday.
I have the most beautiful blessing of teaching children to sing songs about being a child of God and clapping their hands and running in circles with moose ears (do as I'm doing) I think I'm going to start teaching them "Love one another" in sign language... it's going to be challenging, but fun and worth it.
The twins in my first class that I teach on sundays always come up to me and smother me in hugs and when I set the sponge container down, they grab two or three pink and yellow sponge cubes and press them to my face and squeal "Boop!" in high pitched voices and proceed to giggle uproariously in the most adorable little laughs.
A friend texted me back today. That was big.
My cold is almost gone.
My toe is healing. (If I could post pics from my cell phone, I would...) I battled my dresser and lost... casualties included 1.) my dignity 2.) a big chunk of skin from my littlest toe and half it's toenail and 3.) quite a bit of blood. I think I can wear heels to church tomorrow without squealing.
I have the best home teachers/visiting teachers and Bishop in the world.
I shook the hand of a member of the 70 last sunday. Huge moment for me.
My hair isn't brown anymore except it is still a little darker toward the tips.
The list goes on. I have a ton to be thankful for. Maybe I should start doing the calendar thing my advo teacher did in december. Everyday we listed one thing we gave and recieved for each day of the month. I'm going to start that again. Printing a couple blank calendars as I write.
Hrmph. Sometimes you just need to vent to solve problems I guess.
On the other hand, I'm going to go practice Homeward Bound another 58 times before bed.
Cheers to you brave souls who actually read my crazy teenage girl venting. I salute you.
I'm so scared to play in front of everyone tomorrow. I haven't not made a mistake while playing this song since two ish weeks ago. But theres no way I'm backing out now. I'm a little excited... more than anything I just want to provide a song that helps people feel the spirit while they are there.
But lately, I've been a perfectionist. I think that's my problem. I've been beating myself down every time I've made any sort of mistake in anything.
Algebra 2 grade is almost a D+... what's the matter with you?
Can't sing high notes because you have a cold and lost your voice... you should have taken better care of yourself.
Let an ignorant girl at lunch make fun of your religion and a person you know who is in your church who is having troubles and didn't stand up for yourself or Ty... go cry in the bathroom, why are you such a coward?
Ignored Robert (aka Raisin) when he saw you with your head down in third period and asked what was wrong... wow. You're a jerk.
Yadda yadda personal stuff... you should have known better since you were taught better.
Didn't practice piano for lessons last friday... stupid.
Your finger positioning on the keyboard is atrocious... stupid.
Stupid stupid stupid.
It actually kind of feels good to vent all that. I know I shouldn't be spending so much time worrying about everything. Flaws make me human, I suppose. It just stinks when you have such big dreams and they seem so far away. You know?
Life isn't all bad, really...
last week I...
won the poetry out loud in my class competition with a poem a friend did last year called "The Listeners" By Walter deLemare. I'm moving on to the schoolwide competition this coming tuesday.
I have the most beautiful blessing of teaching children to sing songs about being a child of God and clapping their hands and running in circles with moose ears (do as I'm doing) I think I'm going to start teaching them "Love one another" in sign language... it's going to be challenging, but fun and worth it.
The twins in my first class that I teach on sundays always come up to me and smother me in hugs and when I set the sponge container down, they grab two or three pink and yellow sponge cubes and press them to my face and squeal "Boop!" in high pitched voices and proceed to giggle uproariously in the most adorable little laughs.
A friend texted me back today. That was big.
My cold is almost gone.
My toe is healing. (If I could post pics from my cell phone, I would...) I battled my dresser and lost... casualties included 1.) my dignity 2.) a big chunk of skin from my littlest toe and half it's toenail and 3.) quite a bit of blood. I think I can wear heels to church tomorrow without squealing.
I have the best home teachers/visiting teachers and Bishop in the world.
I shook the hand of a member of the 70 last sunday. Huge moment for me.
My hair isn't brown anymore except it is still a little darker toward the tips.
The list goes on. I have a ton to be thankful for. Maybe I should start doing the calendar thing my advo teacher did in december. Everyday we listed one thing we gave and recieved for each day of the month. I'm going to start that again. Printing a couple blank calendars as I write.
Hrmph. Sometimes you just need to vent to solve problems I guess.
On the other hand, I'm going to go practice Homeward Bound another 58 times before bed.
Cheers to you brave souls who actually read my crazy teenage girl venting. I salute you.
Jan 7, 2012
Nursery
I've got this figured out now. I am still really scared about my calling. But I figured out that my scriptures app on my kindle has the words of the songs in the childrens songbook. I also figured out how to rip the songs off the childrens songbook CDs and put them on a playlist on my computer and transfer them to my kindle without it requiring Wifi to play the songs.
Bam, technologically illiterate Ashleigh is no more. >:)
I figured out all of this on my own without any help whilst trying to decrease the weight of my church bag. Now I have lesson plans, scriptures (Bible OT and NT, BOM, D&C, Pearl of great price, gospel essentials manual, etc) childrens songbook, hymnbook, and songs from the CDs for nursery.
I also made a page on facebook for my music career/my music based senior project. Please click HERE to my page on fb and "like" it :) I'll post events and times where and when I'll be playing and what I've done to progress in my senior project/music career. I'll also take requests of songs to learn on piano or something.
Thanks for your love and support!
Hugs,
Ash
Bam, technologically illiterate Ashleigh is no more. >:)
I figured out all of this on my own without any help whilst trying to decrease the weight of my church bag. Now I have lesson plans, scriptures (Bible OT and NT, BOM, D&C, Pearl of great price, gospel essentials manual, etc) childrens songbook, hymnbook, and songs from the CDs for nursery.
I also made a page on facebook for my music career/my music based senior project. Please click HERE to my page on fb and "like" it :) I'll post events and times where and when I'll be playing and what I've done to progress in my senior project/music career. I'll also take requests of songs to learn on piano or something.
Thanks for your love and support!
Hugs,
Ash
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